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Post by monami on Feb 4, 2015 23:37:40 GMT -5
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."
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Post by dove on Feb 5, 2015 0:16:24 GMT -5
I wasn't going to muck up your thread with comments, but I just had to say ROFLMAO at those jokes! Thanks for the giggles. I needed them.
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 2:10:12 GMT -5
I wasn't going to muck up your thread with comments, but I just had to say ROFLMAO at those jokes! Thanks for the giggles. I needed them. glad you liked them, was not sure if my sense of humor was going to go over well or not.
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Post by dove on Feb 5, 2015 12:09:16 GMT -5
Of course it does. Thanks again.
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:33:01 GMT -5
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? Erma Bombeck
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:35:33 GMT -5
Thought of the Day: Gore Vidal... A good deed never goes unpunished. sometime true, but not always
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:36:11 GMT -5
Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. John Paul II
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:37:16 GMT -5
How do I work? I grope..... Albert Einstein
Few are accustomed to work as Einstein did, by groping along from one thing to the next. But for those in creative pursuits (hobby or job) that is often the best way, taking a small step and then taking what appears to be the next step, all without much of a plan.
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:38:43 GMT -5
© 2009 by LadySkyeFyre
February 5 If it is meant for you to meet your soul mate, then you will. Soul mates, contrary to popular thought, are not always your opposite sexual inclination and ready to have a romantic relationship. They are not always even within your age group. They do not always reside in your country, or even, Heaven forbid, on your same planet. And, they are not always incarnated at the same time you are. But, what you do have are members of your soul family scattered throughout your world. And, you also have a smaller group of people you work with at different times in your life. This work might be personal in nature or it might be for a different cause.
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 22:39:25 GMT -5
Love is a foolish melancholy Leading the mind with false persuasions. Else why see I not my folly, Losing time to get occasions?
My love is always lunacy. Methinks my heart is so on fire That though my mistress send for me I dare not for my life come nigh her.
Methinks love's sparkles would so start And at her sight give forth such flame That standers-by would see my heart And by the light, there read her name.
.....from Love is a foolish melancholy by Anonymous
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 23:21:00 GMT -5
No Firewall
CHILD : Dad, where did I come from?
DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!...... So why not now
Now Listen.... Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber Cafe. Then, mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was readt to upload, We discovered that there was no firewall. Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried on doing the upload. Nine months later, the damn virus appeared!.
CHILD : Huh?
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 23:25:16 GMT -5
An elderly parish priest became unhappy with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, "I'm tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me 'I have cheated with Anthony... I have cheated with Mary... I have cheated with Frankie.' I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come into my confessional, you will say 'I have fallen with Anthony, or with Mary, or with Frankie.' No more the word CHEAT. It will be FALL."
About a year later, the old priest retired and was replaced by a younger man. No one thought to tell the new priest about the change of words in the confessional. After hearing his first round of Saturday confessions, the young priest went to the mayor of the town and said to him, "Mr. Mayor, you are going to have to do something about the deplorable condition of the streets and sidewalks in this town. Everybody is telling me they are falling all over the place."
The mayor immediately understood the problem, and he leaned back in his chair and laughed.
The priest was puzzled, and said, "Mr. Mayor, you shouldn't be laughing! Your wife told me that just last week she fell three times!"
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 23:26:45 GMT -5
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
To which the wife responds: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too!!
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 23:29:52 GMT -5
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. Dressed up for work, she was wearing a very tight mini skirt. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the bus' first step.
So slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus Driver, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again she tried to make the step onto the bus to discover she still could not make the step. So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. And for a second time she attempted the step and once again, much to her disgust she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make ! the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!! "
At this the Texan drawled,"Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my pants three times, I kinda figured we were friends.
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Post by monami on Feb 5, 2015 23:54:33 GMT -5
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again....for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure.....but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"
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